I am the queen of procrastination.
I know a lot of people say that, but I think few people can match my accomplishments in procrastinating procrastination.
Yeah, you read that right. I put off the act of putting off things I should be doing. Some people procrastinate cleaning the house or their homework by binge watching a TV show. I procrastinate that. Instead I just sit on Facebook and repeatedly refresh my newsfeed.
It’s a hellish cycle to be stuck in. I’m constantly bored, but for some reason, I put off the fun procrastination. So I’m left with 100% of the procrastination guilt, and none of the enjoyment.
I know how it started.
Back when I was in Uni, I procrastinated the traditional way. I watched so many seasons of TV shows, I made a fan site for a book series I loved (and roped Laura into helping me with it). I got so much done with my procrastinating time. Then I offered to make a website for the company my ex-boyfriend worked for (my Dad also worked for them but I need to word it carefully because people get confused and think I’m talking about them being the same person). It was going to pay well and we were planning on going to Europe so they money was going to help. At first, like every project I start, I was excited. I dived into it headfirst and make great progress. We had planned for the project to take six weeks.
But then the project started hitting walls. Things were getting harder. Because I was living with my ex-boyfriend, I had to make a show of looking like I was working on it as they were asking him about my progress too. So procrastination turned into always having the website open, but flicking in between that and facebook aimlessly all day and night. I didn’t watch any TV shows. I didn’t read any books. I literally spent all of my free time doing tiny bits of website work and refreshing facebook.
The website dragged out for two years.
The people that wanted it kept moving the goalposts and eventually I finished with Uni and got a fulltime job (unrelated to web design). The first few months were tough. I was trying to learn how to do my job and then come home mentally exhausted every night and have to try and do work on the website.
After about 6 months of this torture I finally sucked up the courage to tell them I couldn’t do it. So much had changed in the last 2 and a bit years since we had started the project. Web design was on a completely different level and I hadn’t kept up. Nor did I have any interest in it anymore. I had also ended the relationship with my ex-boyfriend and moved back home with my Mum. The company was very gracious about it and agreed it would be best to completely the project with someone else.
The relief was indescribable.
Imagine, the pressure of having a project that was already 2 years past it’s deadline and no end in sight lifted from your shoulders. It truly felt like a physical sensation. I was able to stand taller, breath freely. What would I do with all my new found free time? I had no obligations besides work. I could read any book I wanted, binge watch all the TV shows ever.
Alas, the pressure was gone, but the habits had formed. I would spend all night after work and all my free time on the weekend constantly refreshing facebook, the herald, 9gag and everytually imgur and reddit. I put off watching TV shows, because 20-40 minutes seemed like too much of a time commitment. I spent my time like this for over a year and a half. It’s only been in the last few months that I’ve been able to get myself to sit down and enjoy several episodes of a TV show. Or read books again (one of my favourite things in the world). Even now I still find myself stuck in that cycle of putting off something more interesting to do in favour of constantly refreshing facebook.
There’s no moral to this tale.
There’s no “23 ways to beat procrastination, number 10 will make your jaw drop!”. I have no advice. I don’t think there is any magic fix besides slowly re-training my habits and that will take some time.
Soooo yeah. I am going to train myself to procrastinate like a normal person again. This is what my life has become.